You know the phrase that says, "Life goes on"?
You know how people say it when something not very fun has happened?
And how you just wish they would keep that opinion to themselves?
I hate that phrase right now.
And people SHOULD keep it to themselves. (not that anyone has exactly said it to me. But close enough...)
Because, really, I already know it. I just don't want to face it right now.
I WANT life to stop.
Just for a minute.
So that I can be sad.
And cry. And feel like it's OK that I am.
I am struggling right now.
Even though I know I will eventually be OK.
You can still be sad about stuff and know that, right?
You know that trial I said I was going through?
Yeah well it's over. I found out today.
It lasted for about 7 months.
It was a LONG trial.
And did NOT end the way I thought it would.
We were hoping to get some babies.
I think the majority of everyone that reads this already knew.
2 babies to be exact. A brother & sister.
But we aren't getting them.
Another family got them.
Yesterday to be exact.
We prayed so hard about this. To know if they were going to part of our family.
So that we wouldn't be trying to get children that we shouldn't.
And I believe we got an answer. The one that said "Yes- they are part of your family."
And I know it was right.
But I guess even if you know things, they don't always work out the way you think they will.
And the Lord allows that to happen.
But then you question things.
Like:
yourself
your faith (was it strong enough?)
your ability to hear (was I REALLY listening?)
and MANY others.
But there aren't always answers to those questions.
OR you don't always receive those answers.
So it's best just NOT to go there.
And I will be fine.
Just not today.
And my mom said that's OK.
And moms are ALWAYS right!
also- we put our house on the market last week. And my heart is breaking about that too.
and for those that live near me- no promises, but we are looking around and hoping to stay where we are. just don't be too mad if we end up in the other ward. like i said- WE'RE TRYING.
BUT-do we REALLY have to go through all these hard things at the SAME time!!!?
Sunday, September 26, 2010
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6 comments:
I'm so sorry to read all that. I had no idea that you might be expecting 2 babies. And you might be moving too??? I guess I'm not surprised because everyone is moving away. But I'm sure it is all for the best and hopefully the process goes smoothly for you. But I'm still sad to hear those 2 things. You sure are a good person though and I enjoyed your talk today! You did a great job!
Wow, thats a lot of things going on. I'm so sorry you didnt get the babies. My heart hurts for you. Take time to grieve before "life goes on".
Oh, Natalie! I wish I could reach through my computer screen to give you a hug. I know what you mean. Trials aren't always what and how we expect them, and yes, your mother is right. It is okay to be sad today. All I can say is try to look around at the blessings that already surround you. You will be amazed! I am sorry, and I love you! ~Sarah
I hope you know I love ya Nat! Heck of a Trail you have gone and are going through, thanks for the help and advice and comfort you have given me! It's so nice to have someone that understands...thanks!!!
I am sorry to hear about the trial. I am sorry it didn't turn out the way you wanted and felt it should. It is hard to have faith testing experiences. You are strong and will make it through, but you definitely have ever right to mourn a loss. Take the time to heal the way you need to. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Oh honey, I'm so sorry that you're having a rough time. It sounds rough and you have every reason to be sad! I hate it as well when I'm having a hard time and people seem bent on turning my mood around...we need to experience the sad in order to get over it! I wish you the best as you deal with all that's going on around you right now.
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