Oh What A Night!

We got to spend the afternoon as a family today. We don't get to spend a lot of time together these days. Not all of us anyway. And especially not on a Saturday. So it was a rare treat. And we went to Olives. (the boy's name for Olive Garden)

While we were waiting for our food the girl brought up 2 legit points- the first one I was able to dodge. At least for a moment. "But mom, how DO babies get in the mommy's tummy." This topic brought on by the fact that brother and sister-in-law5 just had baby5.4. We are so excited for them by the way. BUT- I looked at the husband and he looked at me, and we both smiled a nervous smile at each other. And the husband said, "If they're old enough to ask, they are old enough to know. Some of it at least." So I guess it's time. However, my response to her at that moment was, "That is a conversation we will need to have another time. But I will tell you." And she said, "How about tomorrow?" So I will not be off the hook. She will remember. I better hit my knees and pray for guidance.

A little while into our meal she started to ask a question, but neither the husband or I could figure out what she was trying to ask about. So she said, "Never mind." But we decided we wouldn't let it drop and we were persistent and tried to help her figure out a way to ask, or tell, us what was on her mind. And what it came down to is this- it DOES bother her that she has a different color skin than us. 

Well lets just get ALL of the difficult discussions out of the way in one sitting shall we!

She wanted to know WHY she is darker than us. She wants NOT to be darker than us. And she doesn't really like that her skin is the darkest in our family. Plus she has realized (probably from listening to me talk-oops) that we know what ethnicity the boy is, but not what ethnicity she is. And I think she is about at the point where she will want to know that, as a part of her identity. 

We talked about our parents and siblings and how we don't all look alike. We talked about Aunts, Uncles, & cousins and how some of them look like their parents and some of them don't, even though they aren't adopted. We talked about how we love what she looks like and we don't care what color her skin looks like, and how she wouldn't be her if she looked different. And we told her that even though we didn't know what she looked like when we found out about her and were hopeful to adopt her it didn't matter to us. We wanted her as a part of our family anyway. But most importantly we told her that we prayed long and hard for children, and shed MANY many tears, before any came to our family. And that our family wouldn't be complete without her. And the girl and I sat there and cried for a minute. Because it hurts my heart that it makes her sad that we don't "match".

I hope that we are helping her to understand that being different isn't a bad thing. And that she is SO wanted and SO important. I hope that as she grows and learns more about who she is and where she came from that this is something that she can come to terms with.