So I have been pretty blah lately. For over a week now to be exact. And it's getting me down. I have no energy and no desire to do anything. But I have been thinking a lot lately. And that's always an interesting experience. You never know WHAT the results of that will be!
I am feeling kinda low about myself, and I wonder why when I have been doing SO great lately- eating healthy and I even started exercising. The only explanation I can come up with is- Satan. It's all his fault! He's trying to get to me. And that's NOT nice! What a stinker that guy is. But even if that IS the reason- it doesn't make things any easier. And it makes me want to sit down and cry. A lot.
Yesterday was especially yucky. Last night I was thinking about all the ways that I don't measure up. I had a conversation with a friend in which we were talking about talents, and all the ones we DON'T possess and wish we did. Anyway- one of my main things was my desire to be better. I really want to be more spiritual. To have a better understanding of the gospel. To be able to comprehend things better. To expand my vocabulary. And most of this was brought on by the fact that I was reading my scriptures last night- Isaiah's writings. And then I began reading The Great Gatsby. And let's face it- I was lost for at least the first 2 pages of that book. The words had me boggled.
And I realized, my whole life I have shied away from things that make me think too hard. I don't do deep thinking. And I don't talk politics or have debates with people. I ALWAYS come away feeling stupid. And feeling bad about myself. I never went to college and I don't feel equal to so many of my family and friends. AND I have this husband that is SO super smart. I know that no one else sees me the way I do. I guess it's something I need to work on. Maybe intelligence is not one of my talents, but I have others. And the hope that some day I will understand more than I do today.
**sorry this is such a downer post. I didn't intend for it to be. But I just needed to get a few things off my chest and out of my head.**
2 comments:
Hey Nat, Im sorry to see such a sad post. I think you are great and have so many talents that I admire. One thing I have been thinking about lately is your cake decorating skills. With so many celebrations coming up, I admire your talent! Don't be so hard on yourself. I don't like politics or current events too much. I prefer to talk about other things! :) Satan does work so hard on everyone, especially women. Keep up your healthy lifestyle, you are doing great!
One more thing- there was a talk recently about how you can do hard things. We all can do hard things. Don't compare yourself to others, you never know all their faults!
nat- you are awesome! and i think you have to know that deep down. you are just having a moment, and we all have them. we can all relate to that feeling of being not quite who we wish we were. i hope your moment passes quickly and i hope you use it as motivation to feel better. you rock. (and just so you know, i had to make sure i was concentrating when i was reading the great gatsby too because i didn't get it at first and then realized my mind was wandering- the same way it does with the scriptures sometimes) and then as i focused and continued reading, i found that i really loved how the author wrote- very cool writing. anyway, i am rambling. just know that i love you!
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