Sad Good-byes

It was not sudden. We've been trying to figure out what to do for a couple months or so. We knew it was going to come to this eventually. And yesterday was the day.

She has been sick for a while. And she wasn't getting better. She's been going to the bathroom in the house, not being able to make it outside in time. And then she started loosing weight. She's always been more skittish than the others, but it has gotten worse. She's even nervous of me & the husband. She never was before. And yesterday she was throwing up bile. And hiding. I had to go find her, and when I did she wouldn't come out. And so I was sad when I walked out of the room and left here where she was. She's never not come when I called, or told her to go out of a room. Never.

I called the husband. I told him the situation. We had the same conversation we've had a few times over the last few months. "What do we do?" But this time the answer seemed clear. And I cried. 

My dogs have been a part of our family longer than our kids have. They've never NOT been there. They are my little shadows where ever I go. They are right behind me ready to be stepped on as soon as I turn around. And, yes, we have a house-full. And, yes, it gets a little overwhelming at times. And, yes, the barking gets annoying. And, no, we never meant to have so many. But I joke that, since we weren't having kids, I had to have SOMETHING to mother.

She was the youngest. The quiet one. The calm one. The spoiled one. The littlest one. The one we could leave inside when people come to visit, and not worry about. She was the princess (self appointed of course). And we loved her.

Last night when I got home, I knew she'd be gone. And I tried to prepare myself. And I thought I would be OK. But when I walked into my bedroom and her pile of blankets was not on the floor in it's usual place, I felt a tear escape. And when I went out the back door and only 3 dogs rushed over to greet me, more tears escaped. She was most obviously missing. It wasn't right that there were only 3. And then I looked out into the night. At the dark backyard, for "the spot". And I saw it. And the husband came out and put his arms around me. And more tears escaped.

• 3 dogs are laying on the floor at my feet. They seem oblivious. I am glad. I wouldn't want them to feel pain or sorrow.  

• 2 children are playing in the bedroom. They don't know. I haven't told them. They were asleep when we got home last night. I don't want to tell them. The boy most likely won't be affected, but the girl will....and I can't face her tears, while mine are still fresh.  

• 1 husband is at work. Not even thinking of the situation. And I feel blessed that he handled it yesterday, so I wouldn't have to face that reality.

We will miss our little girl. And even if it sounds callous- I'm glad I still have the other 3 so that I am not so lonely for her company. Though there are things that I will miss. Especially her calm, quietness. 

My collection is no longer complete.

Put-K-Shastya (TRANSLATION: Path to Happiness)

AKA: Shastya, Shast, Little, Poopy Princess

Feb 14, 2001- July 21, 2010

This is the most recent picture I have of her. It's not the cutest one, but it is good enough for this tribute.

(I do have a more recent one of the boy tormenting her)