I was talking to the girl Sunday morning. We were discussing why one of her friends had done something for her mom. I said "Because she loves her mom." The girl said, "She loves her mom?" I said "Yes. Some people love their moms. She loves her mom. Don't YOU love your mom!?" Then she comes back with, "Yes. But I love my birth mom best." OH! Hmmm. How to handle this? I wasn't expecting arms flung around the neck "oh yes i love my mom!! you're the best mom in the whole world!!", but I wasn't expecting THAT either. My feelings were already hurt, but I had to know "Why do you love her so much? What do you love so much about her?"
And the answer that came out of her mouth floored me....or it would have if I had been in the right frame of mind. But it did later on that day, & it still does choke me up to think of it now, days later. It was "Because she shared me with our family." A glimpse into the working of your child's mind is always interesting. And I got one I'll remember for a long time. And it helps me feel more secure that my daughter does not necessarily love that woman more than me. But loves her in a purely innocent way. What better of an answer could I have thought of? NONE.
Why am I surprised by this answer? That is what we have told her about this woman. She thinks this woman is the GREATEST thing to walk the face of the earth. WHY? Because we have not put a bad picture of her in the girl's mind. And that is the way it should be. I would never want to do that- intentionally.
To me, in big people language, my daughter said- "Mom, I think she is the greatest person in the whole world, because she gave me the greatest gift in the whole world. She gave me the gift of a mother and father that can love and take care of me and give me all the things I need in this life." I am soooo glad that this is the kind of picture we have painted, of the birth mom, for the girl. How sad will the day be when she wants to know DETAILS? I am not looking forward to having to tell her the real truth. I don't know how to do it and still keep that same image in her head. I hope the Lord can help us know what to tell her then.
But for the time being the answers she has are good enough.
And I'm glad.
And the answer that came out of her mouth floored me....or it would have if I had been in the right frame of mind. But it did later on that day, & it still does choke me up to think of it now, days later. It was "Because she shared me with our family." A glimpse into the working of your child's mind is always interesting. And I got one I'll remember for a long time. And it helps me feel more secure that my daughter does not necessarily love that woman more than me. But loves her in a purely innocent way. What better of an answer could I have thought of? NONE.
Why am I surprised by this answer? That is what we have told her about this woman. She thinks this woman is the GREATEST thing to walk the face of the earth. WHY? Because we have not put a bad picture of her in the girl's mind. And that is the way it should be. I would never want to do that- intentionally.
To me, in big people language, my daughter said- "Mom, I think she is the greatest person in the whole world, because she gave me the greatest gift in the whole world. She gave me the gift of a mother and father that can love and take care of me and give me all the things I need in this life." I am soooo glad that this is the kind of picture we have painted, of the birth mom, for the girl. How sad will the day be when she wants to know DETAILS? I am not looking forward to having to tell her the real truth. I don't know how to do it and still keep that same image in her head. I hope the Lord can help us know what to tell her then.
But for the time being the answers she has are good enough.
And I'm glad.
7 comments:
Wow, Natalie! I'm constantly amazed at how smart that girl is! I'm sure you were relieved with that response. I too struggle with how I am going to give details in the future. It's so hard. You'll know what to say when the time comes. I'm so glad we are friends and can completely understand and talk about things like this!
she is amazing! and you're amazing as well. i'm sure you will have no problem giving her the details that she needs, when she needs it. but, again, that girl is fantastic!
Addie is such a sweet girl. I don't think she would ever say anything to intentionally hurt you. You have been so good to her to help her hold on to a good image of her birth mother. You are a wonderful mother and I know your kids love you!
This is an amazing experience. You are doing a great job with her and she is a sweet girl.
PS you are hereby nominated for a "sisterhood award"!
you can go to http://plaksey.blogspot.com/
to see why you're nominated!
You are so right! And she is so amazing! Cassidy likes to ask questions about her birth Mom alot. More than I like to answer - good thing for Tom, he always knows the right things to say to her. Abby - could care less. She for some reason lives in a different world. i know the time will come that shw wants to know more and I will keep this post in the back of my head so I know what I should tell her.
WoW! This is an amazing experience to share. I didn't know you didn't give birth to her. You are the best mom! Thank you for sharing your thoughts! You will know what to say and when to say it.
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