This morning I had an epiphany! I was thinking all day yesterday and trying to come up with an answer for this question- Why am I having such a hard time with being released from this calling? I have never really cared this much about a calling before, so why now & why this one? I had other callings for YEARS and this one for only MONTHS. I could not come up with an answer no matter how hard I tried. Or how long I thought. But this morning it HIT me!In the past all of my callings have been dealing with LISTS- VT coordinator, RS secretary. These callings deal with looking at lists of NAMES and organizing those names. In this calling I was dealing with actual people. And more specifically- CHILDREN. Those special little spirits that the Lord loves so much. So I got to look at those little faces every week. And teach those little people about the gospel. And answer their hard questions. And I got to actually KNOW the people...not just the names.
So there is my epiphany! Maybe nothing major to you. But to me it has helped me understand why, for the last 2 weeks, I have been a total basket case about being released from this calling that I only had for 3 months. And it has helped my heart be calm...er. And I know that we don't always get answers to all of our questions.....AND I know that I question things toooo much. But I am grateful for this answer, because believe it or not, it has helped me understand. And understanding helps bring the peace I need to move on. Now I can begin to let go and move on. And for me that is very good.
Normally I would work through it a lot quicker. Which has a lot to do with a WONDERFUL husband whom I lean on A LOT (maybe more than I should, or need to). And during this trial for me he has not been here to wrap his arms around me and listen to me while I talk long enough to work through it. And talking over the phone IS NOT the same!!! This time I have had to rely on friends & family, whom I love and appreciate. And on the therapy that IS blogging and writing in my journal. Which are also great. But forgive me for saying.... they're just NOT the same! So I appreciate your listening ears, while I sound like a total psycho, while trying to work through my feelings over a little calling.
2 comments:
SO much is going on in your life, my goodness. That is HUGE that you are moving for 5 months and getting released from your calling. I will be interested in knowing what its like living in VA for a while. What are you guys doing w/ your house? I'll be thinkin of ya :)
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